STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
