New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
