I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
