i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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