I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
