this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
