ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
