Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
