All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
