Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
