Betty ford says i'm here all night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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