I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
