I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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