There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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