she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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