I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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