I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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