i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
