some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
