I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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