Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
