Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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