Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
