I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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