don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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