Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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