I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
