Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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