suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize
