I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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