I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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