I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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