From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
