he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
