Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
