He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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