The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
