Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
