He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Girls should come with a carfax report
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
