just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
