Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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