omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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