they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
