He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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