Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
