what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
