So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
