I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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