Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
