too bad you live with your parents still
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
