Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
