I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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