Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
