Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
