One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I checked into jail on foursquare
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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