took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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