could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
