Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
