Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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