woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
