so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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