yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is the prime rib incident all over again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
