Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
